Smokin' Pot or Smokin' Hot?

The TAN.

Yes, this sort of thing requires one to get a tan. And I AM NOT TAN! In fact, I often find myself looking for the albino category on questionnaires until I'm finally forced to bubble in Caucasian.

At first I thought perhaps I could just spray tan to achieve the desired look. Unfortunately, I'm allergic to the ingredients and break out in an ugly, itchy rash when I try. I've tried more than once.

To make matters worse, I'm high risk for cancer. And not just any ol' cancer but the BAD kind of cancer. My mom had a big chunk of melanoma removed from her calve years ago. I have the same sort of skin as my mom. Fortunately, I didn't tan with reflective foil when I was a teenager like she did. But I did get my tan on more than a time or two so I'm still high risk.

So what's a girl to do? I wasn't about to give up my dream of training for a show because of a tan! So, fake n' bakin' I am! I'm currently the unproud owner of a monthly tanning membership. That means I can go unlimited. It's pretty embarrassing. So embarrassing in fact, that as I'm entering the tanning salon, I do this secret agent style scan around me to see if anyone I know is watching. Like they aren't going to notice my tanned skin! I know it's ridiculous. I'm not sure if I'm more embarrassed that I'm doing something unhealthy or doing something vain.

My husband accused me of starting the tanning process too early in the game. I guess he doesn't want to be looking into a wrinkled face any time soon. I assured him that I needed months to achieve the kind of deep tan required for competition. Turns out I ended up tanning a little quicker than I anticipated. Probably thanks to the expensive tanning lotion I use religiously. So while I could probably slow down on the tanning, I've started to develop a liking for my new golden skin. I consider this as dumb as a high school pastime; smoking pot behind the church dumpster.

I know, who chooses church grounds as a smoke out site anyway!? Dumb teenagers, that's who! It's scary to look back and think that I actually thought it was a good idea! Fast forward to now, and I'm in a similar situation; I'm doing something unhealthy to my body and I actually think it's a good idea. Will I one day look back and think I was a fool for tanning just so I could stand on stage and match my competitions' skin tone? Am I smokin' pot or smokin' hot? I'm pretty sure the judges will choose the latter.